You heard it here first, folks: the dorms are too damn hot. It seems like only yesterday that I was complaining about the heating system not working, needing to wear a jacket in my room, and wondering if people were leaving their windows open simply to spite me. Now, it seems like the housing staff heard my cries and have decided to teach me a lesson for my insolence by cranking the heat allllllll the way up. If I don’t die from the workload of this quarter, my sauna-like dorm room will surely kill me.
Now, you may think I’m being too dramatic. I don’t know the meaning of the word. What I do know, however, is that no matter how much water I drink the night before, I always wake up the next morning with a dry throat and chapped lips, wondering if this is the end. I check my water bottle for some much-needed relief, only to find that the remaining dregs of liquid have evaporated while I was asleep!
Consumed by despair, I would start to cry if I had enough moisture to generate tears. I can barely crawl out of my room to the water fountain in the hopes that it will replenish me. And such is my daily routine. I fear I won’t be able to keep this up much longer. Soon the heat will consume me, and I will be at the mercy of Housing and Residence Life. Will they charge my family for room damages? Will they give me an honorary degree? Or will they rub me with rosemary and plate me for a dinner with UC’s trustees? Only time will tell…
Comments